I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
