so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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