She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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