Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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