Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
