You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.