I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
