She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.