end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
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we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.