Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence