Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.