life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program