Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless