he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
