Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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