I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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