Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
