don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
