Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
