We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
