I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
