I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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