Swine flu. Run for my life!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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