before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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