ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
