On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
