sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
