"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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