I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
