The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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