I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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