so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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