Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need water and some morals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
