Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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