I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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