He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
