Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
