Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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