see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
