I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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