I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
