Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
