you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
