Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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