i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
