Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
