Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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