im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
