you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
