You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
