I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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