My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
