You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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