Dual....:-)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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