Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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