Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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