the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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