While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize