Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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