and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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