Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
