Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
