I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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