I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
