guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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