I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When are your genitals available?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
