I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
