fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
