somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
