i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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