Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
