I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
