Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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