I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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