We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
