I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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