Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize